Today

I had a sudden urge to call you today... yet, you won't allow it. You've decided to cut ties and tell lies; when will I learn that this is the same lesson that I should have learned over the last 20 years. This really sucks, and it makes me think that I really am a better person than you are. If you're reading this you are probably furious but read on and I will explain. Because mo matter how much you do me wrong I have always told the truth about you, I haven't smeared your name all over to everyone or anyone who will listen. I have always loved you, for who you are. This time however difficult is different. All the other times I have been able to walk away and not listen to the crap you had to say; this time makes me think that in the past you have done the same and looking back I have to wonder if this behavior is why others that we mutually know have shun me and that really makes me sad... you say you've been betrayed, but this behavior is an adolescent response to your own choices and choices others around you made on their own. This time I hate to say this... but this time we are through and I don't see a turning point. My heart brakes every weekend when my wonderful nephew is here to visit his Father, and tells me that his Auntie is bad... because his Mother said so... my response is always and will always be "well she can think that because I still love her." And you know what, it's true... as sad as I am it still holds true. Doesn't make it better, but again that shows him that I am a better person than his mother because instead of bad mouthing you to my children, to your children, to my family or to yours, I still love you... does not mean however I will forget, I may - in time forgive - but I will not forget. I have throughout my life learned some lessons that have taught me that I CAN forgive you, but I don't have to forget what you have said and what you continue to say.... Now that is said moving on to other things... I haven't written in awhile and I'm not sure why, I need too and instead I have become inverted within myself again. This blog was to be able to voice and rejoice - whichever the occasion called for. And there is SO much to voice and to rejoice in! Times everywhere are troubling and yet; through it all, I have found that no matter how impossible my husband seems to be I know without a doubt that he loves me. Rough waters can either sink you or make you swim harder. I have chosen to swim harder... It IS worth it and I know from lots of praying and thought that we will survive this too. Sometimes in life you can't always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but there is... and right now I see a glowing shimmer of it :) Other than all of the above, life is good... because GOD has blessed me with love in abundance and with His peace I will survive!