Crying yourself to sleep

There comes a time when you get slapped in the face with reality. When all that you thought was real, comes into focus and it becomes a delusion. This happened to me last night. My delusional state of things getting better, came crashing down with a blow to the side of my face like a hard cinder block. It was brutal, hurtful, and full of truth at the same time. What happens to oneself when this happens? When the realization that the trust and faith you had in a person feels like a huge lie, the realization that all you thought is now lost. You pray, and pray and pray some more; hoping that some how this new reality will just be a dream. After you pray, the tears come, the anger comes and you start telling the other party how YOU really feel, how hurt you are, how angry you are, and how lost you feel. When all the words and emotions are out, when there is nothing else to say, you are left with an emptiness, a loneliness that has become like a second skin over time. Emotionally drained and depleted. Is there anything left to do? When is it time to let go, knowing that even though you have stood by them for such a long time, have loved them, still love them, and yet... Yet you feel like a failure, a worthless piece of poo, all because you feel like giving up, walking way. If there's no faith and no trust, how do you believe the words that they will "try" to make things better, when you have given them the time to do so already, and they didn't take you seriously then. How do you believe that they will now? How do you pick yourself up and try again, when all your strength is in making sure the children involved are okay? When curled up into a ball crying yourself to sleep and the other party holding you, and their touch, what used to be comfort only makes it worse? Do you try and keep trying, when misery isn't what it used to be? You know what I mean, that misery of how good it used to feel, when everything was better, when you craved their touch and a look. Do you continue? Or is it just better to step aside and move on? If that is the answer, how do you do it? I thought we would last forever, but I think now I was wrong... So how do you end something that once was wonderful, and how in the world do you move forward if that is what needs to happen? How do you go about mending a shattered faith, trust and heart? And how do you protect those that God has placed in your care, from the hurt? I don't have the answers, and the fact that it is this time of year makes it worse... alot worse. But I'm not sure I'm that strong anymore...