Another month and a half gone and I haven't blogged :)

This isn't really going to be a "bloggity-blog" but more or less just a couple of statements of fact...

1. If you "LOVE" your family and have promised to "support" them, then get off your ass and do it already - some of us are tired of excuses
2. If you think that everything is "OK" you are wrong - wake up and REALLY listen to what someone close to you is saying
3. Giving a hoot about what your spouse is saying and actually going out and doing something about it EVERYDAY is better than saying you will and only doing it for 24 hours - half assed...
4. If you think I'm going to forgive and trust that easily, you don't know me that well
5. Stories about how, what and where need to be constant otherwise the trust will NEVER be rebuilt
6. I'm damn near done.

There ya'll go, and now I am done... thanks

Febuary 15th

I'm sitting here thinking about some things that have been happening and then I'm thinking my baby girl is going to be 2 in 5 days! 2 already! I can not believe that 2 years ago today I was stressing out that I had not gone into labor, that I haven't been dilating and THEN to top it all off I was going to have a girl instead of a boy lol... I will never forget the day she was born, what an experience that was, unlike her siblings, and I was so scared, afraid I had done something wrong to make her breach and to have a C-Section was horrifying to me... however, it was fitting to how she is :) You want her to do something, she gives you the same look she gave the morning she was born - that "If you want me come get me" look.

Then I think about when she was in the hospital 9 months later, how terrified I was we would lose her, how frail she looked and then how she refused to laugh after she came home... She's only 2 and I swear this little Angel of mine will be the death of me, he brothers NEVER give these kinds of scares. I think about everything our little family has gone through in the last 2 years and it amazes me how we have stuck through it all together, how close we are and how much we love one another. I guess God really did know what he was doing in my life, and I am so thankful for the knowledge that at least someone did lol.

But did God really have to allow my Angel, my Princess to grow up so fast?

First of Feb.

I have so much to say, that I have started... deleted.. re-started... and deleted again. I just don't know where to start and where to go. Aggravations, memories and just some plain thoughts going through my head. It started as a plain day, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning house, and sanitizing everything in sight because of 7 days of yuck flu stuff floating around the house. Then I realized: Tomorrow will be one year since I got laid off - boy what a weird whirlwind of a year and maybe now it's starting to calm down a bit. I didn't even think of this when I saw my ex-boss and he took off in his car like a bat out of hell when he saw me (now THAT was really funny I laughed so hard, I mean really what the heck did he think I was going to do?) If you follow this blog of mine at all you have followed some of the turmoil that has been around and all the BS that we have all been through, lived through and have survived and yet, somehow people think that the same ole crap is worth the battle.

I decided this past year that enough was enough with alot of stuff, as you know and this past week was no different. After years of following other peoples crap, hanging on to stuff that was painful and unhealthy I let it go. I finally let it go... Yes, this meant that I had to let someone out of my life, whom I loved at one point and didn't really want to let out of my life completely and yet knew we were very different people, with very different lives. I am proud of myself for this, it has taken along time to come to this point, as it does when people share a past. But I am VERY proud of myself. However it just ticks me off when people don't think that enough is enough and have to drag their crappy lives to my doorstep, hurt me and then try to pin my decision of walking away as being selfish. Maybe it is, but it is a healthy selfish and I'm not sorry for it. I am really sorry that you, as a human being can not walk away from past hurts and accept reality... life is too short to worry about what you think and I am happy and you are not in this happiness...

If others negativity affects you and there isn't much you can do about it, then how do you get past it? Well I'm not quite sure about this as of yet, but I do know a change is coming and if I have learned anything, it is that God will not give us more than we can handle. Change is everywhere at all times and all we have to do is choose to look at it in a positive light and it will change us for the better. Sometimes is does not always seem like a positive change, and sometimes it is not received well, however it can and will be received. The trick is to pray, pray for guidance and strength and things will have a good outlook. Change is not easy by any means, this I know for a fact. I do know, however that change is necessary in life. Patience is also necessary and this is a virtue that I do not have much of when it comes to stupidity and lack of common sense within people. I have a well of Patience with my children and my husband, but it is something I have a hard time working on with others. So a continual prayer for guidance and Patience is necessary for me. If you are going through a change this year remember to pray for guidance and patience. It does work and God is changing your life, just remember that.

The first blog of the new year

The first blog of a new year... I'm not really sure what to write, which direction I should go. After this past year the first week of the new year seems rather calm and relaxing. Of course there are thoughts of a new directions to take this year and so far those thoughts are moving forward. I suppose I could go forward with some thoughts and feelings, I could go on and on about other things a little more personal as well... However, I'm not sure where to start or even if I'm ready to make some statements I've been thinking about. So I think I'll start with how Christmas went and how New Years went too... As most of you know Ms. Mikayla missed her first Christmas in 2009 by being at Loma Linda, so this year was an emotional wreck for me. She was home, and we treated it as her first Christmas really... because for Jesse and I, even for the boys it really was, she was home. I cried all morning as she riped through presents and played with her new toys. I couldn't help it, my sweet baby girl was home. Jesse and I felt truly blessed to have her with us this year, to be able to play with her instead of being apart form her and then dressed in medical gowns just to hold her, as we had to do last year. New Years was a wonderful time as well. Jess and I have had issues the last couple of months and really hadn't been getting along most of the year, and it was really nice to be able to go to lunch for our anniversary New Years Eve,talk and be ourselves for the first time in a very long time. We celebrated our 6th year of marriage and reflected on the ups and downs we have had, and how much we really do still love each other. With all of that Jesse's issues have subsided, well really stopped completely and that's a good thing for him and for us. He is still attending somethings that I have asked him to attend and he is working well in these things. He has returned to the man I married and fell in love with. More drive and ambition than I have seen in him for a long time now. His humor and Patience with his children has returned and his anger issues he was having issues with have subsided... Thank you so much for all the prayers that were sent our way, God is wonderful and is merciful. I'm still attending school still doing well in it as well. Looking forward to my degree, it really has been a long time coming for me and I am pleased with the decision to go back and doing it all from home. It can be trying at times, however it is worth being here and showing my children how important schooling really is even when you are "old" like their mother. I know that with the schooling there is a light at the end of the tunnel and so much more I need to work on within myself. Okay this blog is all over the place and I think I'm going to stop now because really there is no direction here... I hope your first week within the New Year has been as peaceful as mine seems to be so far and full of reflection and the sense that things need to change... remember that you CAN change the world, but first you must make the changes with in your self first... God bless you all and keep you safe - HE will not give you anything that you can not handle it WILL make you stronger :)