Febuary 15th

I'm sitting here thinking about some things that have been happening and then I'm thinking my baby girl is going to be 2 in 5 days! 2 already! I can not believe that 2 years ago today I was stressing out that I had not gone into labor, that I haven't been dilating and THEN to top it all off I was going to have a girl instead of a boy lol... I will never forget the day she was born, what an experience that was, unlike her siblings, and I was so scared, afraid I had done something wrong to make her breach and to have a C-Section was horrifying to me... however, it was fitting to how she is :) You want her to do something, she gives you the same look she gave the morning she was born - that "If you want me come get me" look.

Then I think about when she was in the hospital 9 months later, how terrified I was we would lose her, how frail she looked and then how she refused to laugh after she came home... She's only 2 and I swear this little Angel of mine will be the death of me, he brothers NEVER give these kinds of scares. I think about everything our little family has gone through in the last 2 years and it amazes me how we have stuck through it all together, how close we are and how much we love one another. I guess God really did know what he was doing in my life, and I am so thankful for the knowledge that at least someone did lol.

But did God really have to allow my Angel, my Princess to grow up so fast?

First of Feb.

I have so much to say, that I have started... deleted.. re-started... and deleted again. I just don't know where to start and where to go. Aggravations, memories and just some plain thoughts going through my head. It started as a plain day, grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning house, and sanitizing everything in sight because of 7 days of yuck flu stuff floating around the house. Then I realized: Tomorrow will be one year since I got laid off - boy what a weird whirlwind of a year and maybe now it's starting to calm down a bit. I didn't even think of this when I saw my ex-boss and he took off in his car like a bat out of hell when he saw me (now THAT was really funny I laughed so hard, I mean really what the heck did he think I was going to do?) If you follow this blog of mine at all you have followed some of the turmoil that has been around and all the BS that we have all been through, lived through and have survived and yet, somehow people think that the same ole crap is worth the battle.

I decided this past year that enough was enough with alot of stuff, as you know and this past week was no different. After years of following other peoples crap, hanging on to stuff that was painful and unhealthy I let it go. I finally let it go... Yes, this meant that I had to let someone out of my life, whom I loved at one point and didn't really want to let out of my life completely and yet knew we were very different people, with very different lives. I am proud of myself for this, it has taken along time to come to this point, as it does when people share a past. But I am VERY proud of myself. However it just ticks me off when people don't think that enough is enough and have to drag their crappy lives to my doorstep, hurt me and then try to pin my decision of walking away as being selfish. Maybe it is, but it is a healthy selfish and I'm not sorry for it. I am really sorry that you, as a human being can not walk away from past hurts and accept reality... life is too short to worry about what you think and I am happy and you are not in this happiness...